A new poster for Spider-Man: Homecoming recently swung its way onto the web, the reactions have been mixed and there seems to be quite a lot going on – perhaps a little too much. I’m all for showing and not telling when it comes down to movie posters, but this latest bit of marketing from Sony/Marvel Studios features a lot of supporting characters. Do we really need costumed and uncostumed versions of Spider-Man, Iron-Man, AND Vulture? Probably not, but Marvel Studios are always coming up with ways to connect their films to the wider MCU and all things Marvel.
Spider-Man: Homecoming will be the first standalone film for Tom Holland’s incarnation of the web-slinging superhero, having appeared briefly in Captain America: Civil War (2016) and completely stealing the show. That is no mean feat for a young actor sharing the stage with the likes of Robert Downey Jr., Paul Rudd, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johannson and Co.
The early trailers look promising, even if this latest poster is a little bit of a mess. Still, a bad poster does not necessarily indicate a bad movie. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the worst movie posters of all time.
Good Luck Chuck (2007)
Star Casualties: Dane Cook and Jessica Alba
What the hell happened? This one is all kinds of creepy. Jessica Alba is too busy looking for her other arm and Dane Cook looks like he’d fit right at home in Westworld with his very own synthetic Jessica Alba. Both actors spent a lot of time on screen together, but they certainly weren’t in the same room for this photoshoot.
Forced Vengeance (1982)
Star Casualties: Chuck Norris
What the hell happened? It basically looks like Danny Trejo starring in a Chuck Norris biopic. I mean, really? It barely even resembles a Madame Tussauds Chuck Norris.
Hercules in New York (1970)
Star Casualties: Arnold Schwarzenegger (Or, Arnold Strong as he was called in this debut film outing)
What the hell happened? Kudos for making Arnie look the right way, although this is only a minor moral victory. Arnie’s right hand only has three fingers, his body looks as though its beginning to cave in on itself and whose idea was it to add a couple of random glow balls? What’s up with them glow balls?
Star Casualties: Peter O’Toole
What the hell happened? It’s creepy as hell that’s what. He looks like he’s just seen the deepest depths of hell. That’s the same face we pulled when we found out Adam Sandler’s latest film The Meyerowitz Stories has been generating some serious Oscar buzz.
The Shaggy Dog (2006)
Star Casualties: Shaggy Dog’s real eyes, which were surgically removed and replaced with Tim Allen’s. Imagine being a dog and seeing the world through Tim Allen’s eyes, that’s still a better plot than the actual film. Don’t believe me? Watch it, I dare you.
What the hell happened? There’s just something strangely disturbing about photoshopping Tim Allen’s eyes onto a dog. Also, that has to be one of the worst taglines of all time, but that’s a blog for another day.
Top Dog (1995)
Star Casualties: Chuck Norris
What the hell happened? The second Chuck Norris film on the list, mostly for the half cropped dog. Why is Chuck Norris so confused? Does he know what movie he’s shooting? Has he eaten the other half of the dog? Probably. Who knows?
The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)
Star Casualties: Everybody involved (especially Paris Hilton who received three Razzies that year).
What the hell happened? Insulting, crass and existing only to boost Paris Hilton’s self-obsessed vanity. No wonder online critic James Berardinelli described the film as “about as funny as the anal rape scene in The War Zone”. Not only is that one of the more glowing reviews, its also rather fitting here as well.
Star Casualties: Nic Cage
What the hell happened? You can run Nic, but you can’t hide how painfully bad this poster is! He’s doing his “please come and watch my new movie” face. The title is also rather fitting, given how it stole the whole plot outline from Liam Neeson’s Taken.
Over Her Dead Body (2008)
Star Casualties: Eva Longoria’s knees, elbows and wrists.
What the hell happened? Why does Eva Longoria have no knees, ankles or wrists? Why is one arm mysteriously longer than the other? Why is her hair glued to her neck? Answers? I’ve got none, so lets move on…
The Last Song (2010)
Star Casualties: Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
What the hell happened? Let’s keep this one short and to the point. Cheesy upper body fades into the sky, Liam Hemsworth does his best impression of the sun from Tellytubbies.
Blond and Blonder (2007)
Star Casualties: Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards
What the hell happened? Bad photoshopping in almost every conceivable way. Pamela Anderson’s head is way too big for her body, the tire marks and smoke are laughable, Denise Richards is barely blonde and the car going over the golf bag is just the final nail in the coffin.
Bangkok Dangerous (2008)
Star Casualties: Yep, it’s that man Nic Cage again, based on pure volume he’s today’s big winner!
What the hell happened? Quick game, pick any spot at random and you’ll likely find something wrong with this poster. It’s a sad truth. The generic flame borders that children draw onto school folders, random bullet holes for no reason at all, and Nicolas Cage’s oversized arm reaching into his jacket pocket, presumably for the gun that the photoshop experts forgot to add to his other hand. I mean, Nic Cage is good, but he’s not magic, as far as I know.
The Blue Lagoon (1980)
Star Casualties: Columbia Pictures
What the hell happened? Columbia’s marketing team decided to take a slightly different approach selling The Blue Lagoon, by including a mini dissertation on the poster. Show don’t tell. The end result is it looks like something a Jehovah’s witness would post through your door on a sunny Tuesday afternoon. It’s a big NO for a movie poster, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.
X-Men: First Class (2011)
Star Casualities: Decapitated James McAvoy
What the hell happened? Look, I like the idea. The old guard fading out and the new era of young actors being brought in. Unfortunately the execution is terrible. They’ve just randomly plonked a Zordon-inspired floating head of James McAvoy over Patrick Stewarts silhoutted crotch. Fortunately, the film fared much better than the uninspired posters.
True Lies (1994)
Star Casualties: Arnie, marginally improving on Hercules.
What the hell happened? All you need to know is its Arnold Schwarzenegger holding a gun. The generic government logo in the background is lazy and could be anything from military to postal service. Shame about the delivery of this poster though.
Hard Boiled (1992)
Star Casualties: Chow Yun-Fat
What the hell happened? A film about a lethal cop and his most deadly weapon, a killer baby. It isn’t, which is a shame because this poster doesn’t really make much sense now. I have so many questions and not enough room. Whose baby is that? Did they give permission for him to be used on a John Woo poster? What the fu…
Henry’s Crime (2010)
Star Casualties: Keanu Reeves, Vera Farmiga and James Caan
What the hell happened? In short, three lifeless film stills horribly placed onto google street maps. In a nutshell.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Star Casualties: Keanu Reeves
What the hell happened? ‘Hey everybody, look how awesome my coat is’.
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Star Casualties: The entire cast, it seems.
What the hell happened? To be honest I could have picked any number of Marvel Studios posters, which continue to overcrowd figures, showing off the size and scope of their character catelogue. Thor: The Dark World is yet another Marvel character orgy.
Star Casualties: Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy
What the hell happened? Is James McAvoy auditioning for a rap video? Why does Angelina Jolie have two elbows? Why is her arm so long? Sadly, we may never know. It also doesn’t help that they blatantly ripped of the film Juncture (2007) in the process, here take a look…
Well, that’s it! The 20 worst film posters of all time. We hope you’ve enjoyed reading through our list as much as we enjoyed writing it. Please leave your comments and suggestions below, for all those films that we couldn’t squeeze in. Whilst you’re at it, follow us on Twitter for all the latest updates from tinybotreviews.com